Chapter 23 – Booty

Last time on BTL: On Earth, Ghost paid a visit to The Willowisp to meet up with Wanderlust and find out where Wasser was hiding. And now, back to Acadia…

*******

“1….2…3…4….” counted Gunblaze.

“When you gonna pull goddammit!?”

“Look, eng…”

“5….6….”

“Would you pull?! Would you!”

Gunblaze stood over Jupe swinging his hips with each number going by. His dad, he explained time and time again was a veterinarian and he watched time and time again how he set the bones of the animals, particularly worms and grubs.

“I can’t believe he’s falling for this again,” I whispered to Burnsy.

“Sssh.” he replied.

“7…8…”

“Let’s see how long until he gets it.”

Jupe was about to curse at Gunblaze again when his face froze.

“Wait, waitaminnit! Worms don’t have bones!! Get your hands offa me!” Jupe scooted away on his butt as Gunblaze laughed a Simpson’s laugh.

“Butress!” Jupe waved his hand for Butress to come over. “Will you,” he pointed at Butress, “get this,” he pointed at the bone that was sticking out of his leg, “back into place?”

Butress knelt down and examined the break. “Hmm, it will be tricky but I think I can do it. The trick will be to put it into place without chipping any more bone off.”

We all stepped forward and looked down at the two.

“Back off worm-boy!” growled Jupe at Gunblaze.

Gunblaze held his gauntlets up.

Butress straightened out the leg until the shard almost touched his skin. He looked at Jupe in the eyes. “Alright. This WILL hurt. On the count of three I will–*Snap-crack!*”

Butress snapped the leg and the bone went into his leg.

Jupe’s face turned beat red and he started to pound the dirt with his fist. As Lil Skold came skipping up to the scene, Jupe opened his mouth and let out a tiny soprano-like schoolgirl scream.

“You know, I really don’t like you bald and hairless!” said Skold getting up close to examine Jupe’s skin.

Jupe with clenched teeth looked up at us and said, “Can I punch him?”

Burnsy and I nodded our heads while Gunblaze shook his.

Jupe reared back and slammed his fist into Lil Skold’s face sending him ten feet backwards.

“Hey!” yelled Gunblaze running to the fallen bard. “He only has one hit point, you coulda killed him!”

“That was the POINT!” Jupe said in a lower tone.

Butress’ hands moved fluidly over Jupe as he applied a healing salve that worked over his leg. The wound was completely closed by the time the green ebb of light disappeared from the magic-user’s hands.

“It’ll be sore and you will have a limp for a week or so. I wouldn’t recommend fighting another dragon.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that,” said HS as he examined the far rock wall. “Because I think we’ll be on easy street from now on.” He turned to face us and extended his arm against the wall. His hand passed through the imaginary rock. “I think I just found the dragon’s den.”

“Booty!” We all yelled as we raced each other for dibs on whatever was awaiting us.

Had it been a woman, we would have all been leading with our crotches. Food, we would have led with our stomachs. With money, we led with greed and paid no heed to the fact that we didn’t know exactly where the opening was. The four of us ran almost full speed into the wall. Two of us made it through, the other two smacked into the solid part. Jupe and Burnsy were the lucky two.

They were the two who first got to see what only greedy kings and dictators dream. Barrels and chests open full of gold, swords scattered about and upon closer look within the gold, rings.

“Homma homma homma,” I heard Burnsy say with slobbering glee.

Jupe held his hand up slightly. “Wait. Waitaminnit.” He swayed his hips slightly. “Let me check…yes, this IS better than sex.” He paused. “On most nights.”

“Woo!” claimed Gunblaze as he passed through the wall.

“Hol-lee cow,” I exclaimed as I saw the room for the first time.

Burnsy, wise in his thieving ways, got the jump on us as he grabbed a bag draped over a barrel and started to shovel gold into the canvas. “You can only take what you can carry, boys!”

He shoveled more in as the rest of us started to examine the piles. After one pile was cleaned up, he was ready to strain to lift the bag and start on another. Instead, the bag was light as a feather.

He looked around quizzically. Then he flung the bag around in a mid-air circle. Opening it, he looked inside. He laid it on the ground and then crawled into the bag to where all you could see were his feet.

From inside the bag, Burnsy muffled, “Awesome!” And came out with a large smile plastered on his face. Running over to the larger piles, he smacked his lips and looked at us with a broad smile.

“Bag of Holding,” he nodded his head to the sack. Opening it, he started shoveling mounds of coins into the bag.

Gunblaze examined a sword that he found amidst some chests and held it in the air for more light to catch it. He took his gauntlet off to wipe away some of the dust that hid jewels that were encrusted in the handle. He began to test its balance when he fumbled the sword and accidentally sliced the palm of his hand with it.

“Oww!” he hissed, and frowned at the sword as if it was its fault. His eyebrows began to inch upward and his eyes widen as he saw the blood on the blade disappear into the blade. He looked around to see if any of us were looking at him. Nobody was, as we were too busy trying to load up as much crap as we could. Turning back to the blade, he put his still bleeding hand on the flat side of the sword and watched again. The results were no different as the sword seemed to draw the blood to it and suck the liquid into itself.

“Creepy,” muttered Gunblaze. “Not sure what good you’ll do, but I’ll keep you around.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” retorted Butress at what he thought was a comment aimed at him as he walked by Gunblaze.

Gunblaze held up a finger to say something but decided not to go forward.

HS was looking behind some barrels and in the ccorner,he saw something glint in the light. Reaching down and grabbing it he brought it up for a closer looksee.

“Oh mama.” Was his reply as he showed all who was looking an ornate intricate etched golden long bow. “Man, if I had a desk here, it would be levitating close to the ceiling.”

He held it up and waved it around. Perfectly balanced and light as a feather however it did not have a drawstring. Aiming and firing as if it did, HS drew his fingers back. Once he did that, an energy drawstring appeared and pulled back with his fingers. An arrow of pure energy formed and increased in intensity the longer HS looked at it and had his hand pulled back. The arrow brightened and heated up, a high whine started emanating from it. HS looked nervously around, pointed the bow randomly and let the arrow fly. The bow kicked back and the arrow streaked across the room quick as a lightning bolt, struck the stone wall, and blasted a hole three feet deep. Rock and debris sprayed all over myself and Gunblaze.

“Sorry! Sorry.” HS said as he halfheartedly waved at us and looked at the bow.

“Perhaps some more practice with that would be nice,” said Butress as he walked past him.

Jupe had reached down into another chest and found a long sword. The golden blade had nicks and cuts on it, verifying that it had been used a great deal to protect its masters of the past. Jupe brought the sword up to his nose and began sniffing at it. After a few sniffs, he began to lick it.

Burnsy looked over at him. “After you’re done giving it oral sex, can you give me a hand over here?”

Jupe turned his head over to Burnsy and smiled. Without looking back at the sword, he smashed it over his knee and snapped the blade in two.

Burnsy pointed at him. “Heyyy, what are you doing?!”

“It’s magic,” Jupe replied simply.

“Yyyeah? Soooo….you shouldn’t be frickin’ breaking the stuff should you?” Burnsy quickly moved to another spot.

“Magic is bad. Creeps me out.”

Butress happened to walk by Jupe at this time.

“Does no one like me?” cried Butress.

“Frankly, Butress, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I’ve wanted to squeeze the life out of you the first moment I met you,” Jupe said rhetorically.

“You’re so kind.” replied Butress as he moved on.

Jupe grabbed a short sword sticking out of a coin pile. Smelling it quickly, he snapped it over his knee. He shivered.

“Ooo, that was a good one, at least 500 XPs.!”

“Quit!” Burnsy started to shake a finger at him. “You’ll break them all before we’ll be able to try them out!”

“That’s the point.” *snap*

“Hey!” cried Burnsy.

By this time I had heard the argument between the two. I was ready to try my new robe that I found hanging on a crate. A black wool robe, quite heavy and hand woven, it made the person totally invisible when they drew the hood over his or her head. Gunblaze was also looking over at Jupe as I gave him a hand signal to intercept him.

Jupe was looking at a ring when Gunblaze walked up to him.

“What are you doing there, my hairless wonder?”

Jupe popped the ring into his mouth and swallowed it. Gunblaze reached for the ring as Jupe threw it into his mouth but to no avail.

“I’m digesting a Ring of Protection +3.”

“I hope it’s a Ring of the Shits +6! Stop that!” Burnsy yelled at him.

Gunblaze eyeballed me as I walked behind Jupe, I put the hood on and became invisible. I maneuvered myself behind him and on my hands and knees braced myself for the ole rollover. Burnsy opened his bag right behind me and nodded at Gunblaze.

Taking Jupe by surprise Gunblaze was able to push him backward, trip over me, and fall backwards into the bag of holding. As soon as his feet disappeared, Burnsy closed the bag and drew up the drawstring. From the outside we could hear curse laden muffles and every now and then the side of the bag would jut out in the shape of his fist.

Waiting a few seconds until there was a relative calm coming from the bag, Burnsy loosened the string ever-so-slightly. He cupped his hands to the pin hole opening of the bag. “You gonna stop destroying magic weapons?”

“MutherfugginwhenIgetmyhandsonyour–”

Burnsy closed the bag up quick and stood up straight brushing his hands together. “Well, I guess that settles that!”

“Think he’ll run out of oxygen?” I asked.

“Aw, what’s a little unconsciousness for him? He’ll lose a few brain cells. No biggie.”

As we continued to look through the piles of coins and weapons, Chuck poked his head through the illusioned wall.

“Butress? Do you have a moment?” he said with his chin jutted out at him.

Butress looked around at us and then at Chuck. He nodded upward and walked across the room as Chuck disappeared back through the wall.

Butress walked through the illusion and back into the main room where the dragon and Ender still lay motionless. He looked around for Chuck and then saw him in a darkened recess across the room. He motioned non-chalantly to him to come over. Butress sighed and did so.

He walked over to where Chuck was and saw he was looking down at the ground, pacing and pointed towards the ground. After a few seconds of this, he froze, snapped his look up to Butress and did something that made him more uncomfortable than fighting Ender; Chuck smiled.

“There it is,” he said.

Butress narrowed his eyes, “There’s…what?”

Chuck motioned him to step over to him. As Butress started, Chuck stepped aside and pointed to where he was standing. “Stand here.”

“What’s going on?” Butress said but as he stepped on the same spot where Chuck had been, the hairs on the back of his neck began to buzz and stand up on end.

“Holee Christ!” Butress stood motionless and without realizing, his arms were straight out as if to balance himself. “What the hell is THAT?!”

Chuck smiled. “You, my friend, are standing right above one of the strongest ley lines in the world.” Chuck moved around to face Butress. “Strongest and shallowest. Easy to tap into.” He said rubbing his hands together.

“Ready to help me?” he smiled again but with wet eyes and emotion running across his face.

Butress returned the smile.

From across the room, it may have looked like two guys huddled in a corner. But as Butress slowly stood, revealing that Chuck was lying motionless on the ground, he began to move his arms and hands. His fingers worked with deliberate precision, delicately weaving individual and intricate strands of magic through the air. Each strand coalesced into complex arcane signatures, one woven into another, amplifying the spell with every pass.
Blue orbs and tiny pops of light began to flicker around the two warriors, at first faint and sporadic, then brighter and more frequent. As Butress’ arms and hands manipulated the ley line energies, drawing their immense power up through the ground, the magic flowed through him and into Chuck. Light began to dance across the den walls, casting an eerie blue hue throughout the large room. Shadows stretched and twisted in the corners as the spell continued to build.

Minutes into the casting, Butress suddenly and violently thrust his arms into the air.
Chuck’s body immediately rose from the ground, stopping at chest level.

Butress made a slow sweeping motion with one hand, and Chuck’s body obediently rotated 180 degrees horizontally. The blue light intensified, bathing everything in an almost painful brilliance. Then Chuck began to spin. It was as if he had been strapped inside some invisible g-force simulator. His body rotated around a stationary X and Y axis centered somewhere deep within his torso, completely suspended in the air. Butress controlled every movement with his hands, twisting his wrists and fingers as though Chuck were nothing more than a puppet suspended from invisible strings.

The spinning quickened.

Wind erupted through the room, whipping dirt and small rocks from the floor and sending them skittering and tumbling across the walls. Butress’ robes snapped violently around him as the ley line energy surged through his body. The blue orbs became streaks of light, flashing around Chuck faster and faster until his spinning form was almost impossible to see.

Then Butress reached deeper and the ley lines answered.

He drew in their power until the entire room seemed to vibrate with it. With both arms fully extended, he silently screamed the final word of the spell.

Even through the illusioned wall, those of pilfering through the magic items could hear Chuck’s shout of pain.

A blinding white flash erupted from the room.

For an instant, everything disappeared behind the brilliance. Then blue orbs of light began strobing wildly throughout the chamber, appearing and vanishing in rapid succession. We looked at one another, unsure of what we had just witnessed.

Then we saw them.

Strands of blue light had begun to appear along the walls of the cave.

They looked like veins beneath translucent skin, thin at first, then spreading outward in branching patterns. One by one, they pulsed with the same unnatural blue energy that had surrounded Butress and Chuck.

The entire cave seemed to breathe.

We dropped whatever we had in our hands and drew our weapons, not knowing what was on the other side of the wall. We ran through and heard a scuffling across the room and saw Butress leaning over Chuck casting what was one of his signature healing spells. Walking up, Chuck came into view looking spent as he leaned against the rock wall. He looked us over with a quizzical glance.

“Where’s Jupe?” he asked.

“Nowhere. He’s not here. Nope.” Burnsy said in quick short bursts. He shifted his weight and scratched his head. “Why?”

“Because I wanted you ALL to see something.”

Chuck held out his hand toward where Butress stood. Butress stepped slowly aside, and the woman behind him was revealed.

She was young, dressed in a flowing white gown that seemed to move with a life of its own, the fabric drifting gently around her legs despite the stillness of the room. Her face was strikingly beautiful, with delicate features framed by long, flowing black hair that fell across her shoulders and down her back.

For a moment, she simply stood there.

Then she reached out and took Chuck’s offered hand.

She looked at each of us in turn, her eyes bright and alive, glinting with happiness and something else I hadn’t expected to see.

Life.

Not the cold, distant look of someone newly awakened. Not confusion or fear. There was warmth in her expression, a genuine spark that made it immediately apparent that whatever Butress and Chuck had just accomplished, it had worked.

The room fell strangely quiet.

I glanced over at Burnsy.

I swear I almost had to pick his jaw up off the floor. His mouth hung open so wide I was half expecting a fly to wander in and make itself comfortable. A little string of drool had even begun forming at the corner of his chin.

Apparently, resurrection—or whatever the hell we’d just witnessed—wasn’t the only miracle happening in that room.

“MILEENAAA!!” we all yelled.

Mileena grinned from ear to ear…and then frowned.

“Wait.” She looked at each of us and pointed. “Where are we and why are you freaks dressed up like D&D characters?”

-Next, a talk with mileena and a trip back to the farm. Be here for…”Returns”