Chapter 6 – The Queen

Last time on BTL: Chuck revealed the reason he called everybody into Burnsy’s bar and why he disappeared for several years: his quest for Mileena. Tipped possibly by the as yet to be seen elves, Chuck told the group that they would have to go through a dragon to get to her. On their way to get supplies, they run into the Queen’s guard. Get!

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“Get your filth off of me!” yelled the captain of the Queen’s guard who was now in a laying on the ground position looking up at the world. He directed his demands at one of us who was standing directly behind Chuck and watching the standoff ensue. This meant that the captain was calling Chuck our “filth”. That wasn’t very polite.

With a little bit of confidence now that his former followers were backing up his actions, Burnsy swaggered up to the prone captain who tried unsuccessfully to break free. As he swaggered, Burnsy cackled and looked back at the rest of us.

“Heh, heh. You know, boys, what’s almost better than sex?” Without hesitation he continued, “A good pee.” Burnsy spoke a dialect of Acadian that made him sound like a good ole boy from the country.

Butress looked at me. “There’s nothing close to sex.”

“Just let him go with it,” I replied.

He just grunted as Burnsy unhooked his leather gear at the crotch and stood above the soldier. He put one foot on the captain’s chest to hold him down while Chuck held onto the legs.

“Eyep. When a man has six ales in him, two homemade lemonades, four waters, and three teas, it’s time for a festival of peeing.”

A high-pitched scream came from the captain. “You have GOT to be kidding!”

One layer from exposing himself Burnsy said, “Does it look like I’m kidding?! I’ve had inhumane amounts of liquid in me AND a shitty day on top of that!” Burnsy looked up at the officers on horseback. “So you better back off, or urination is just the start to what this man will go through.”

The three officers glanced at each other. “That will not delay your talking to the Queen or the Council.”

“Major?!” questioned the horizontal captain.

“You will be silent! These rogues will be taken into custody and a bloody band of henchmen is not going to stop their fate.” Argued the Major.

HS leaned forward toward Jupe and me. “Oh, they’re good.”

Burnsy looked down slightly at Chuck who tilted his head towards Burnsy’s midsection. Burnsy immediately replied to the officers. “And YOU, kind sirs, will not stop me from a good pee.”

Burnsy slowly reached down into his pants and through the open fly slowly protruded a metallic barrel of a pistol.

The major looked down at it. “What in blazes?”

Burnsy smiled and replied. “Boo, perv.” The gun fired and a bullet zinged its way inbetween the first and second officers. Another blast came between the second and third. The blast unnerved the horses who reared and looked desperately for a place to go.

The diversion was there and Chuck took advantage. He took the captain by the ankles and began to spin him around. The force made his whole body go airborne and finally Chuck let him go into the first flank of men closest to him.

Chuck steadied himself and looked over at Butress. “How many men can you hold?”

Quickly surveying the scene Butress said, “About a third of them.”

“Do it!” commanded Chuck.

“And if it captures some of our boys?”

Chuck looked at Butress with fire in his eyes. “So be it.”

Butress looked concerned for a moment before he plunged into his bag and brought out an ordinary rope. He started to chant and threw the rope into the air. It seemed to levitate above his head as it started to glow. Butress pushed his arms out quickly. The rope disappeared and at the same time, ten soldiers and two of Burnsy’s followers were frozen in place.

As Butress was reaching for another rope, Jupe looked at his companion and said, “Defense….no blood.” The graceful animal leapt almost into the middle of the street and began to systematically knock out every man that crossed its way. A soldier would try to get to us, the wolf would rare back and kick with its hind legs causing the man to fly.

I started to hear swords clanging against each other as the Queen’s guard had reached our friendlies. We may have had the numbers, but the soldiers’ training would quickly give them the edge.

Butress finished his second spell when I had to engage soldiers hand to hand. It was obvious that we would be overwhelmed soon. Our civilians left gaping holes, flanks unprotected and simply could not fight as well.

Chuck started to use Mileena in an offensive mode by creating wind and thunderclaps to spook the horses and men alike. The heavily armored soldier I wrestled was difficult to throw without harming him. I went down onto my back taking the soldier with me. Putting my feet on his breastplate as he fell gave me leverage to vault him over me. Standing up, I saw Chuck get gang tackled by four soldiers.

Jupe and his four-legged friend were busy fending off each other’s back. Burnsy and Gunny had paired up. I looked at Butress and HS.

“You guys got anything?” They shrugged.

“Nothing but offensive spells now,” replied Butress.

“Arrows,” said HS.

I let out a slow deliberate breath. “Let’s start using them. Try not to kill.”

I then proceeded to hip throw a rushing troop and Butress began chanting. Looking at Chuck’s predicament, the captain Chuck had previously thrown was brushing himself off as the soldiers were roughing and tenderizing him. Butress had let loose of some magic missiles that hit men near Gunblaze and Burnsy.

The captain picked up a nearby sword and began shouting obscenities at Chuck then proceeded to kick him several times. He raised the sword above his head.

“Uh oh,” I said, “Butress I need you to take him out!”

“It’s going to take me a minute!” He shouted back.

“We don’t have it! Blessing?”

I saw him take aim. “I’ve only got a head shot.”

“Stop!” came a commanding female voice just within earshot.

I let out another heavy breath. “Do it.”

“Stop!!” the voice came louder. And the whole scene froze…except…

*Twang!*

Looking up at where the voice was emanating, I saw Queen Astrid of Windhaven herself sitting on a beautiful white stallion.

“Uh oh.” I said noticing the flight of the arrow still on course.

The captain froze when he heard the Queen’s voice. He looked at her expectantly.
“At ease, captain.” All was quiet in the street. The fighting had ceased in respect of the person behind the orders. “Oh, and captain, you may want to thank the man you were going to impale for saving your life.”

The captain frowned and said, “With all due respect, your majesty, this man deserves NOTHING from me but jail time!”

“Turn around, captain.” replied the Queen.

“Madam?”

“Turn around.” the Queen motioned with her fingers.

The captain turned slowly around and jerked his head back when he saw an arrow floating in mid-air several inches from his skull.

The Queen looked at the men holding Chuck. “Release him.”

Wary of him, the soldiers slowly backed away to give him room. Chuck got up and dusted himself off. For a split second, Mileena flashed on his back and the arrow dropped to the ground. Chuck deliberately took his time before he looked at the Queen. He looked up at her and said nothing.

The Queen stared back at him.

I came up to the Queen and bowed before her.

I ran my fingers through my hair out of a nervous habit. “I guess we should be the ones thanking you.”

Out of the corner of his mouth HS said to Butress, “Did you see that? He’s trying to be studly by running his fingers through his hair. He never does that!”

Butress spit out a laugh.

The Queen smiled slightly as she easily, despite all her ceremonial robes, dismounted her horse. She was about my height, long raven hair and quite pretty. She looked at me directly in the eye. I stuck out my chest. My eyes darted away looking around. What was I doing?

“He’s puffing out his chest,” HS said in a loud whisper. Butress smiled. Burnsy and Gunblaze came walking up to them.

“Yeah, we just exchanged class rings with the guys we were wrestling,” said Burnsy pointing back behind him with his thumb. Burnsy looked at the scene before him. “What’s up with him?”

“Apparently, the Queen and the big eng have…a connection.” replied HS.

“Whu?” whu-ed Burnsy with his mouth open. “Hey! He can’t do that! She wants ME! I’m the one with belly-button sucking!”

“Which would clear up why she’s repulsed by you,” quipped Gunblaze.

I turned back to the two to see what they were up to, pointed my finger at them to try to get them to shut up. I just got guns and winks back at me. Bastards.

“What is the idea of you trying to rough up my friends?” asked Chuck.

“Your…companions roughed up two of my guards, one of them is behind on their bills, and one I have special business with.” said the Queen matter-of-factly.

Chuck stuck out his chin. “Was I the one with whom you had special business with?”

The Queen gave him a blank look. “No.”

“Well, then,” Chuck said quickly, “I will get out of your way since I need to gather up my supplies.”

The Queen got into his path. “Oh…you’re leaving?”

Standing to the side where I could get a look at both of their faces, Chuck almost tenderly looked into her eyes. “Yes. We all have business out of town to deal with.”

There was a brief flash of disappointment in the Queen’s eyes. She recovered quite nicely.

“And I would like my companions to go with me. If her highness would allow it.” He said the last line with a slight bow.

The Queen looked at the boys behind us. They, of course, could not maintain eye contact with her so they shuffled their feet, looked at their fingernails, and generally tried to look busy.

“Those vagabonds are your helpers? May the spirits be amongst you.”

“So you are letting us go?” asked Chuck.

“In a second,” said the Queen.

“Your majesty?!” questioned the captain. “These ruffians can’t be let off to their own free will! They have–”

“Have done more for this city–!” she cut herself off for fear of losing control. She took her finger away from the captain’s nose. Turning her back on the captain, she turned to me.

“Are you going along with him?” asked the Queen.

“He has saved my life on several occasions,” I said formally. “I owe him that much.”

The Queen looked up to survey her city. Jupe’s wolf had sat down next to her. She began to rub the top of its head without even looking down. Burnsy saw this and about started to slobber. “Hurry back. We’ll lose too many children without you.”

Surprised that she knew exactly who I was, I replied, “How many?”

“Sixty-four children affecting about fifty families. Twenty families totally wiped out shortly thereafter when the children come back to kill their relatives.”

The thought gave me a slight headache. “We’ll come back as soon as our mission is done.” I rubbed my forehead. “Then we’ll get down to who is doing this.”

The Queen nodded to me. She then looked at Burnsy. He came running up, leading with his crotch.

“Then there’s you.”

“Heh.” he cackled out of the side of his mouth.

“I’ll take care of you when you get back.”

This made Burnsy as giddy as a schoolgirl.

“Ok, troops,” yelled Chuck to us. “Get your bags and supplies. We’ll meet back at the bar in one-half hour!”

That said, we scattered into the night to gather up supplies and our courage to go west. To the dragon.

-Next time….”West”!